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Tuesday, June 4, 2013

A is for ADD

Well this is the beginning. Technically three days late. Surprised? Me neither.

Let me tell you what did surprise me. A text message from my dear cousin telling me it was June 3rd and she was eagerly awaiting the beginning of my A to Z blog challenge that I promised would begin on June 1st. Shit.

Let me start by saying that, slightly embarrassed, and two beers in to sitting down at the computer I had to get up for some BBQ chips. Gosh! Where do I start?!

The beginning then.

I am a totally kick ass stay at home mom. This is not my ego talking. It is pure fact. One that has been stated openly by many a stranger. Don’t get me wrong, I am kick ass on the side of the children. What I am not: parent who has endless hours of time to devote into a pre-K curriculum, dying to have the smartest three year old in the whole wide preschool. What I am: a bonified get dirty, play outside, nature hike, drink out of the hose, not wear shoes at all mother of boys. Real boys. ( I think I will save the best parts of this mini-rant for tomorrow).

So… in a nutshell Kindergarten has killed me. Maimed my spirit. Cut me down at my lonely knees. P.S. I hate it.

I was prepared to suck at being alone. I even warned those close to me that it might suck for them for a short while too. What I didn’t prepare for was the fact that my kiddo would be in school for the whole school year. Duh.

Am I talking in circles yet? Hang in there.

I warned my husband there might be a grieving period since I knew how hard it was to send my oldest to school. I had no idea how serious shit would get when my baby boarded that bus and pretty much gave me the finger. People would joke “What will you do with your whole day?! Will you get a real job?!”. At least I think they were joking. And I jokingly replied that I would be sad for a bit but should be recovered by around Christmas time. Oh hell, was I wrong!

By Christmas I had “lost” three gallons of milk (two fell off the car and the third was left out in the garage to rot/freeze) (shut up), completely misplaced Santa requests four times and failed to do about 35% of 60% of the laundry in the house. This is when I came upon the realization that I was a kick ass stay at home mom because I was rockin’ a serious case of ADD. Has anyone tried keeping a toddler entertained? Because I am  pro. Not ADHD, I don’t have the energy for that crap. But ADD. Sheesh. I wish I was ADHD ‘cuz then then I could be on those fancy drugs that make me both productive and skinny. Not me. Just your average, garden variety scatter brain.

So I make lists of lists that I forget where they are placed. Then devise system after system of calendar reminders, that get lost. Then it occurs to me maybe I should quit whining because exactly one half of my household is an unmediated but fully functioning ADHD person. Then I realize… If I know I’m a crazy person and don’t take full advantage of my group plan doesn’t that make me crazy?!?! Sheesh!

Anyhoo… I made it to A. Ugh.

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