1. Morons. Of all variety. I am not, by any means a brilliant person but luckily I possess the common sense to not look like a complete idiot as soon as I step out into the world. Some, it seems a lot, are not as fortunate.
To the woman in the spandex shorts and flowered sun hat: Did you really need to cut me off at the intersection just to go and stand in a line 400 people deep to get into a store that even though it says “grand opening” has in reality been open for weeks?!?! Those $5 gift cards were for the first 100 people in the door and I used my super cool and totally free eyeballs to decide you were not one of these folks. What’s the rush?!? Oh, and one more thing: Did you really look in the mirror before leaving the house and say to yourself “Gee, I look great, let’s shop!”???
2. Impatient automobile operators. Specifically the ass behind me at the stop light.
Not only do I not feel it necessary to gun it off the line, I do not appreciate your incessant honking because I did not accelerate to your liking in the first nanosecond the light was green. In my defense, I was not camping out or ignoring the traffic signal. I saw it was green the moment it changed. Besides a lack of planning on your part does not, in any situation, constitute an emergency on my part. So there.
3. Recipes with too many ingredients and the food snots that rave on them.
I like food. Of all kinds. I do not, however, think that a basic plate of spaghetti needs to have a rosemary mango chutney mixed in. Spaghetti is good, that’s why we still eat it after all these decades. Meatloaf does not need a horseradish truffle puree added in. It’s freakin’ meatloaf! I can not express the images that come to mind when someone tastes something (whether I made it or not), smacks their chops and and says something asinine like “That was good but it could use some portabella mushroom, raspberry brandy, and fresh tarragon.” Seems to me that would not be the same dish AT ALL! I can understand saying something is bland (dash of salt maybe?) but using your culinary vocabulary to assault an already constructed dish seems a bit unnecessary.
I feel better now. It is kind of early to be so fussy but I can explain. I went to the new location of Joanne’s which is my new Mecca. It calls to me. It is a craft project, decorator and fabric paradise. This weekend is thei0r “grand opening” with deals, great coupons, give-aways, and make and takes. I went thinking that on a Thursday morning, surely there would be less of a crowd. Nope. Is EVERYONE collecting unemployment?!?! The crowd was ridiculous. I drove right past. I need nothing that bad.
#2 is self explanatory. Stupid f&*k-tard in his Beemer in a rush. Grrr…
The third was this guy on a news channel this morning who was tasting a dish they were featuring in a cooking spot. Sheesh, what an ass.
Hope your day is awesome, mine sure has been full of awe so far.
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