Om…

A few years ago, before we had our children, my sister and I used to spend frivolous amounts of money papering ourselves with the calming quality of Yoga. Now, I put it this way because even though I still do Yoga on a regular basis it pales in comparison to the studio we used to frequent. This studio was pretty dull on the outside, tucked in next to a law office on a busy street. Inside? Nirvana. The door to the outside world shushes closed behind you and the tranquility begins. The decor is simple but welcoming and always smells like lavender mint and fresh brewed tea. As you walk up the stairs the sounds of rain or soft music greet you.

The yoga room is quiet, dimly lit, and warm. Ahhh, comfort. The instructors always deliver a healthy workout for both mind and body. Afterwards they offer hot tea and quiet conversation. Not once have I ever left this studio feeling anything but relaxed. Well, except that one time.

The sessions always start with some breath meditation. In the nose out the mouth, honor your body, respect the breath, quiet the mind. The sessions then flow into a slow and controlled workout. No aerobics here, just stretching, breathing, and strengthening. I always feel rejuvenated and relaxed and the next day proves to me that my muscles actually did quite a bit of work. The end of the session consists of Savasana. A total relaxation. Lying in prone on my mat it is often a challenge not to slip off to dreamland. I love this.

One balmy summer night my sis and I walk into the studio and prepare for our journey. The class is more full than usual with a couple new faces. There are always people of all walks of life trying out Yoga for the first time. The class is going well and the next set of exercises includes a series of roll-ups. Not my favorite since done improperly they can be quite jarring for the neck and spine. It is always a toss up if I have done them just right and sometimes find my back sore the next day. From the seated position, knees up, ankles crossed, you roll onto your back taking your feet with you and keeping your knees in tight. Done correctly this works core muscles and massages the spine.

On the second roll-up a fellow relaxed Yogi from the other side of the room has lost control. Of her ass. In one swift move the up swing of her roll-up turned into one serious butt flapping gaseous mess. Not a sound is uttered after that. Did anyone else just hear that?!?! I, always a sucker for a fart joke (c’mon, can you honestly tell me there is one that isn’t funny?) try my hardest to keep control. In a hot second my gut is quivering and the silent tears are rolling as I am trying to repeat the mantra “in through the nose (ACK!) out through the mouth”. My class is ruined in the most hilarious way. I spend the entire Savasana lying on my back trying to think the funniest thing ever did not just happen. We finish up the class, politely deny tea this evening and quietly march to the car. My sister and I get in and buckle up without a sound. I look at her and loose it! I am laughing so hard I can’t see through the tears. I pee a little. We are snorting and cackling to our hearts content.

No words were said. We just laughed. After the outburst we didn’t mention it again. Okay, that is a lie, we told EVERYONE! That poor woman.

Note to self “skip the chilidogs on Yoga days”.