Originally posted Mar. 27th, 2010 at 12:25 AM Livejournal

I am a Stay-at-Home-Mom by choice. I realize that those of us that can choose to do this are few and far between but my loving husband and I decided that it was for the best. We struggle and love it because we know that is what is best for our babies. Having said that, this Momma needs to get the f&#k out of here once in a while to save her sanity. So I have what we lovingly refer to as my "fun job" (which is not really any fun at all).
I have a few things to say along the lines of the job I do and something to say about the title SAHM. This will turn into a vent, unfortunately, and you may stop reading anytime and be just as well off.
I serve tables, bartend, and sometimes manage at a small but noteable Mom and Pop Irish pub in a snooty poo area of town. I love the family who own this wonderful little slice of life and am grateful they have adopted me as one of thier own. I enjoy my "fun job" and take the crap a restaurant can dish with a smile on my face. Most of the time. But there are a few points I would like to make to all of you would be diners in any restaurant, anywhere.
First, I am a person. Not a servant or a slave. I may wipe noses in real life but I am a college graduate with a whole life that goes on outside of this palce where you are eating. Unlike most people who work in this business I do not need this job, though the cash is nice, and do this as a way to get out of the house. I have been in this business for almost 17 years and have seen it all. Please do not treat me like I am anything other than the friendly person who will be handling your consume-ables. Remember your manners.
Second, if you cannot afford to eat in a restaurant that offers table service then don't. I understand, because I am a pain in the ass diner myself, that things don't always go as planned. Still, as much trouble as I am (ever seen When Harry Met Sally?) I never forget who to tip accordingly. I have also been known to throw an extra five bucks at the busser who, thanklessly, has to sweep my kiddo's cracker crumbs off the floor when we are gone. I guess the gist of this point is that verbal tips do not pay this bills. If you had good service show it in cash. If the food was crap, don't take it out on me, but surely let me know so I can rectify the situation. I don't make it I just deliver it. If you had mediocre or poor service, bring it to someones attention. I can't tell you how many times a well-to-do looking family pulls up in thier Lincoln Navigator with thier four priviledged brats, orders $100 worth of food and tips a lame ol' 11 bucks. Really?!?! Do you realize I had to claim more than that in taxes, and tip the busser and bartender. I do not like working for free. You are either rich because you are cheap or you are so house poor that the meal was over budget and you are taking it out on me. Maybe you should have just hit the drive-thru on the way home. Or eat at home, do you know how much cheaper that is?!?! Whew... I feel better already.
Third, and finally, if you are just a clueless tipper... get a clue. This is not a new concept. You must have a friend who is not a total douche bag who can explain it to you. The standard courtesy tip is 18%. I bust my ass for you and are really hoping for 20%. If you have a little tip card or get out your tip calculator function on your $200 Blackberry I am not likely to be pleased. If you tell me that "The service was great, thanks!" and leave a lousy 15% I will remember your face. FOREVER! And I am not as likely to give the same great service the next time around. Oh, and I told all my fellow servers that you are cheap. Good luck.

Okay. So, I could go on forever on this. Don't get me started on the whole "economy slump" either. It's exhausting! Just be kind. Your Karma Credit program depends on it.

As for my sentiments on the title Stay-at Home-Mom... You actually have to have kids at home to qualify. Otherwise you are a house wife. Let me explain: I was talking to a woman the other day and the topic of "so, what do you do?" came around and I said I am a SAHM of two. She perks up and says "meee tooo!". So I say "cool, how old are your children?" "fifteen and seventeen" is the answer she gives me. WHAT?!?! Get over it woman! Yor kids spend 40 hours a week in school! What the F are you doing all day that makes you qualify as a SAHM?!?! House work? Huh, seems to me like you are a homemaker since mothering at home requires your children to actually be there. The one is even old enough to drive! Stupid. Now, don't get me wrong, being able to stay at home and care for the home-like needs of a family is a wonderful position to be in, but please. I serve in the trenches where you probably once resided. Wiping noses, potty training, learning to walk, changing diapers, the list goes on and there is no time for tennis, gardening clubs, book clubs, tea, mid-day movies or anything of the sort. Title yourself as a domestic engineer, domestic goddess, a peace bringer to many, comfort provider to all... anything but just a Stay-at-Home-Mom.

Wow. I will be able to sleep. Thanks.