I got nuthin’

I had every intention of sitting here and ranting about what my life is like lately, then I sat here and talked myself out of it because who wants to hear that sad boring crap anyway? Not me.

Sooo… I still felt the need to post something and I’m still really aggravated so I will just speak hypothetically. Then maybe you can relate and stick your own characters in and I won’t be so boring.

This is what my life has been like lately. Vaguely. Sort of.

Have you ever witnessed someone cover their entire body in poop and and when the inevitable happens they run screaming “why are all these flies on me?!?!”?

Have you ever watched someone pick their nose, come off with a giant booger and then try to blame it on everyone else in the room?

Have you ever watched someone who is drowning yell to the shore “don’t worry, it’s okay, I’ll be fine”? Then you throw them a rope, because you love them, and they toss it back only to hit you in the face and say “no really, I deserve this” because what they really wanted was for you to jump in and swim them to shore.

Ever notice that there is always a cousin’s neighbor’s brother’s cable guy’s bar mitzvah to attend, all of a sudden,  on the precise day you really could have used a rope?

Have you ever given away all your slap bracelets to people whom you thought would really enjoy them only to find out the fad lasted like a nanosecond? Then you see the slap bracelets that you spent your hard earned babysitting money on in the trash?

Ever wish in one hand and crap in the other?

Ever screamed at the top of your lungs just to see if anyone can hear you and then without flinching the person you are sitting next to says “hey, ya gonna eat that”?

Ever been craving popcorn all day, finally put some in the microwave, go to turn on the TV, and have the cable be out, then your popcorn burns and you have to sit there seething with nothing to watch and burnt popcorn smell everywhere?

This was kind of dumb. Fun. But dumb.

I should have just said what I wanted to say. This person can’t even be bothered to see things right in front of their face, much less read something. Or pick up the phone.

But I wasted all this time, so here ya go. It’s late. It is after midnight even though my timestamp says otherwise. Hey, how the heck do I fix that anyway? Grrr…