Thursday’s Ride

I have done it. I swore it was not possible but I have found one. I have found a fart that isn’t funny. Sadness overwhelms me as this reality sinks in. I thought for sure this would never happen.

It occurred to me today, when the boys and I arrived home, that it is not at all funny when your entire house smells like sick ass because our beloved dog is sick and has fart/ explosive diarrhea combos. I don’t know what is wrong with our baby girl but she has apparently picked up a stomach bug. She literally soiled every square inch of my kitchen while we were off enjoying this gorgeous day. I feel so bad for her as I heave a great sigh and reach for disinfectant. It is exactly like when you have a sick child and they throw up all over their bed. It is a combination gross-out-pain-in-the-ass/sympathetic-need-to-care-for-them. I hope this passes by the morning otherwise the wonderful (love our vet!) Dr. King will be hearing from us.

On the lighter side of life, today my wonderfully trying boys decided to behave so that we could enjoy life out and around town. I met a few of my Mommy’s Group for breakfast. We don’t meet regularly but today I had the time to join up for breakfast. We were celebrating both a birthday and a job opportunity today so the morning was filled with good conversation. I had to drag my boys along since we are on cycle break from school. They were pretty well behaved and I promised a fun day if they didn’t act up and embarrass me.

The deal has been they since they are increasingly getting worse in the behavior department and I seem to have acquired the special power of invisibility that if they act up we do nothing. The weather is perfect this time of year and I notified them that they could either spend cycle break with fun filled activities everyday or waste it at home, in trouble. I will add that this is almost the end of our second week, and they only get three off, and they are just now figuring out I mean business.

Today after breakfast we headed to Turtle Park. For those of you not familiar with St. Louis, it is a small patch of grass right next to the highway with giant concrete and realistically detailed turtles for you to walk around and climb on. The kids love it. Since it is right across from the zoo and we are zoo members we decided to just run in for a quick train ride. When we got there the Zoomagination Zone was empty so we got stuck playing there for a bit. They have the most awesome stuff to see and do. Then we jumped on the train and hopped off once only long enough to enjoy a popsicle (we were thirsty) and check out the new baby giraffe then we were off to finish up our ride and head home.

Today is my Daddy’s birthday so we are headed over there after lunch. I hope we get many more of these fun filled days before it’s back to the grind. I sure do love taking my buddies out when they are not acting like freaks!      

Out of Control

I am sure my dear sweet husband, with whom I can’t seem to get along with lately, is so pleased with the fact that our kitchen table now looks like the remnants bin at the fabric store.

 

Sorry! I went in search of one thing specific and landed myself in the middle of a “blow-out” sale. I NEEDED to take advantage of this. I did get a couple really cute things (my opinion) made out if it tonight though. See?

 

 

       

Light the Night

As Team Colombatto walked in the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Light the Night I spent a good part of the night choking back tears. I always seem to keep hold of myself through the planning and the registration and all the high energy fuss that is everything leading up to the actual walking. As soon as my feet hit the path I feel like I just can’t see. My heart is full. I well up for the people both young and old who are visibly sick. I bite my lip for all the people carrying the gold balloons for the loved ones they are remembering. I snivel for the little man who is holding my hand, who without I would not be at this function. I shed a tear for all of the people who are walking right beside me, on my team, for a cause I am passionate about. Team Colombatto Consisted of 21 members this year. Some who I knew wouldn’t miss it and some I never thought in a million years would be there.

I am grateful. To each one of you. From the bottom of my heart.

Pros and Cons (really cons then pros)

What I can’t stand:

• Having a dog that can shed more than I can vacuum.
• Diet soda.
• Fake friends.
• My ice maker being on the fritz.

Things that I think are cool right now:

• My sister being happy (new boyfriend, ewww).
• Homemade purses.
• My adorable (and slightly overweight) hubby.
• The weird shit that comes out of my kiddos’ mouths.
• Glass beads.
• Funny and totally random stuff seen daily.

Here, lookey:

 

I made these because coin purses are my new favorite! The inside is always way better than the outside.

 

 

I have been carrying around this first draft sack since I finished it. Without a pattern. All my crap inside. I think I will send it to my baby sis, she will get some good use out of it. 

 

 

I have had these beads forever. Decided to string them to wear. They are unpolished glass, soo pretty!

 

Saw this thing on the road. The turn key actually rotated while they were driving! So cool!

This I see as I leave my subdivision everyday. Soo true. All you planet destroying monsters, take heart! Use the f-ing recycle bins the city provides because past this sign we have to haul our own recycle!!!

Sorry about another random post. I had these pics I wanted to share.

Hope your hump day is happy! :)

Swords All Around

This year for Halloween both of my boys have to be something that wields a sword. It was laid out in very plain English for me that they required swords to “be” anything this year. So we started thinking of all the things that carry a sword. I suggested Viking, Pirate, Ninja, Knight in Shining Armor, Samurai, Robin Hood, and this went on forever! Finally my big guy said “a Knight!” and his brother said “a Pirate!”. My little guy wanting to be a pirate is kinda funny considering he wanted to be a pirate last year and changed his mind when we actually went looking for costumes. Then my nephew ended up being the cutest little pirate guy so it is a pretty dang popular character in our family. Besides, who doesn’t want to be a pirate?

In my Pilates class we do a series of movements called The Sword. In this exercise you could be standing, kneeling, on an exercise ball, or whatever because the lower body is not as important in this movement. With your upper body you have both hands at one hip and with a stretch band, weights, or even nothing you extend one arm from that opposite hip up to an extended arm on the same side. Sheesh! That sounds like Twister. Or torture. Think John Travolta Stayin’ Alive with the finger move. OR… Think of unsheathing a sword like before Medieval duel. Ffffsshhinnngg!!! I always wanted to learn fencing, my Dad said it was a useless skill, since he was paying I still know nothing about fencing. I really should thank him since it is a pretty useless skill and sword dueling only happens in my living room these days. I like to sharpen my cooking knives with the steel just for that sound though. It is just plain cool. Ffffsshhhiinnggg!!!

The point to this (if there ever really even was one) is that every time I do this move in my Pilates class, usually full of women, most of them middle aged, I hear my three year old ffsshing shing-ing around my house and it always makes me giggle. Right in the middle of class. Better than farting (remember this?).  

Looks like I will be in sewing machine overload for the next several weeks!

Until then I will leave you with this old pic. It is cute though, and they were having fun. My poor baby. That is not a sword, or a light saber, or a tunic, or a belt. Instead he gets to have the padding from a baby computer thingy that plugged in to the T.V., a t-shirt of mine, and a scarf like thing I wear in my hair. He is only 22 months here so I guess it doesn’t matter as long as he was playing with brother.

Funny things my guys have said lately:

My five year old described the back of his knee as “the armpit part of my leg”.

My three year old exclaims while snuggling “Ack! There’s a hair in my mouth! I don’t even like hair!!!”.

Was this post really random or what?

On a totally different subject…I think I will start posting all the super cool purse ideas I have come up with lately…

Hump Day

Get your mind out of the gutter. It is Wednesday. The fact that it is indeed Wednesday and I have a few minutes to sit and dribble on here is a sign that we have survived yet another small hurdle.

Yesterday was a dreaded clinic day. My buddy did fantastic (all things considered). Today I got a call from the school nurse that little dude wasn’t feeling well and wanted to come home. Do you ever get this call? I drop everything like it was covered in poop and set on fire to get to my kiddo. I know there are parents out there that dawdle around and eventually pick up their child, for whatever reason you are stalling it is not worth it. I love my kids. More than life.

After a dose of Zofran my little guy is almost righted. We are relaxing. I am doing a little (very little, have we met?) cleaning up, a little blogging, and some comfort baking so as to not waste almost spoiled bananas. Which brings me to the best part of this post… The recipe!

This is the easiest, most yummy and fail-proof banana bread recipe I have ever made.

Preheat the oven to 350 and grease yourself a bread pan.

Ingredients:

• 2 cups flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup butter
• 3/4 cup brown sugar
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 3 or 4 over-ripe mashed bananas

In a big bowl combine flour, baking soda, and salt. In a not so big bowl cream butter and sugar. Then add eggs and bananas and stir that mess all together. Add the goo you just made to the flour mix in the big bowl. Stir that together too. Pour batter into the pan that you greased and put it all into the oven for like an hour or so. Do the toothpick thingy to make sure the center is done and let cool for 10 minutes in the pan before you dump it onto a cooling rack.

Preparation time: who gives a crap. It is comfort food and half of the comfort is in the making.

Enjoy. 

Enough with the whining!

I had a very blunt but dear friend mention that I have been quite whiny lately. For this I will apologize. Uh… sorry, man.

This is for you dude…

Please check out Alisa over at Snarky Cards. I unfortunately do not know this wonderful Alisa but she makes me laugh. And has big balls. Big hilarious make me spit tea all over my monitor balls! Glad I stumbled across her site today, it was just what I needed. Rest assured when I finally win this test of wits with my Paypal account I will be stocking up.

Enjoy!

I got nuthin’

I had every intention of sitting here and ranting about what my life is like lately, then I sat here and talked myself out of it because who wants to hear that sad boring crap anyway? Not me.

Sooo… I still felt the need to post something and I’m still really aggravated so I will just speak hypothetically. Then maybe you can relate and stick your own characters in and I won’t be so boring.

This is what my life has been like lately. Vaguely. Sort of.

Have you ever witnessed someone cover their entire body in poop and and when the inevitable happens they run screaming “why are all these flies on me?!?!”?

Have you ever watched someone pick their nose, come off with a giant booger and then try to blame it on everyone else in the room?

Have you ever watched someone who is drowning yell to the shore “don’t worry, it’s okay, I’ll be fine”? Then you throw them a rope, because you love them, and they toss it back only to hit you in the face and say “no really, I deserve this” because what they really wanted was for you to jump in and swim them to shore.

Ever notice that there is always a cousin’s neighbor’s brother’s cable guy’s bar mitzvah to attend, all of a sudden,  on the precise day you really could have used a rope?

Have you ever given away all your slap bracelets to people whom you thought would really enjoy them only to find out the fad lasted like a nanosecond? Then you see the slap bracelets that you spent your hard earned babysitting money on in the trash?

Ever wish in one hand and crap in the other?

Ever screamed at the top of your lungs just to see if anyone can hear you and then without flinching the person you are sitting next to says “hey, ya gonna eat that”?

Ever been craving popcorn all day, finally put some in the microwave, go to turn on the TV, and have the cable be out, then your popcorn burns and you have to sit there seething with nothing to watch and burnt popcorn smell everywhere?

This was kind of dumb. Fun. But dumb.

I should have just said what I wanted to say. This person can’t even be bothered to see things right in front of their face, much less read something. Or pick up the phone.

But I wasted all this time, so here ya go. It’s late. It is after midnight even though my timestamp says otherwise. Hey, how the heck do I fix that anyway? Grrr…

Things that I am tired of:

• My car. It is about to up and die, I just know it. So maybe it is tired of me too.
• Attitude from my three year old.
• Secrets.
• Geico commercials. Though, I’ll admit the recent ones hold small amounts of humor.
• Laundry.
• My house. I want to pick it up and shake it then put it down in a different location.
• Five year old sass.
• Feeling lonely but never really being alone.
• The color of my toe nails. Why is it I never have polish remover?!?!
• Drama.
• Waiting for an eternity for my favorite shows to return. I mean really! Don’t you people get paid the big bucks to entertain us? Earn your millions for crying out loud. I don’t need the suspense of a five month wait, I was going to watch the show anyway. Now I just forgot what happened last season! Grrr…
• Seeing yet another medical bill in the mail.
• Lazy people.
• The flabby parts around my middle.
• Insomnia…

Craft Snobs

I have the utmost respect for people that are experts in their field. Lord knows I am an expert of nothing worth talking about. I just really can’t stand a snob.

I use a sewing machine that I have had for over 10 years. I love it. It is simple, efficient, and it was a gift from my Mom. I sew along merrily and it makes a little chugchugchugchug sound. Until recently. Now we fight. It makes a very ugly CHUNKCHUNKCHUNK and if it could it would surely spit at me. I have no idea where we went wrong. I have tinkered around with it a bit and thought I had solved our problem but the last time I tried to sew it could not hold tension at all. My stitches were all wanky and there was thread everywhere! Finally I resigned to taking it in for someone to look at. Much to my surprise, in a town of roughly 349,407 there is only two places who fix sewing machines. The first place made perfect sense, if you have a vacuum, sewing machine, blender, weed whacker, or any other small appliance they will take care of what ails it. I walk in and a very nice man tells me to simply clean and tune up my machine it would cost $79.99 and take thee to four weeks to get it back to me. Wha?!? Forget it. I am pretty sure for not much more than that I could have a brand new, albeit simple, machine (which without the sentimental value would feel empty). So off I go in search of the other place.

The fabric store moved down a couple blocks and opened into a fabric store/home decor/craft-splosion center. In the center of their showroom-o-fantastic ideas there is a sewing machine shop. I grab a cart and wheel my beloved machine and my smallest child back to their register and greet the smiling lady in front of me. She looks at me, looks at the machine case, looks at me and asks how she can help us today. I tell smiling sewing machine lady that I need my machine repaired. She grabs a repair ticket and asks all of the appropriate questions; name, address, phone… and what kind of machine is it? “Kenmore, basic” I reply. Now what happens next I can not accurately describe. I just don’t know how to put this action into words. It would probably be the same reaction I would have received if I were to walk into the Maserati dealer un-showered, with my two children, holding a sword and announce “I’ll take five!!!”.

Quite simply she had mistaken me for someone who was joking so she asked to see it then looked me in the eye and said “you should really think about an electronic machine”. As we are standing over my apparent ghetto dinosaur another lady walks up holding the foot petal to an ancient sewing machine. That stupid smiling bitch  lady dropped me like a hot rock for the woman with the obvious antique. Really?!?! She commented how popular that piece was in the 30’s and told the antique she would be with her momentarily and turned back to me to say “Anyway, you should really think about an electronic machine. We can do something with this but it will cost you $59.95”. I notify her that the person on the phone the day before said it would only be $54.95. And I quote: “That person was wrong (I am pretty bad with names but I am almost positive it was her!) but I guess I can honor that price. We are going to need a deposit. (All of a sudden?!?!) Can you give me $10?”. I say sure, hand her a $10 bill from my wallet and wait for my receipt. She digs one more time before she takes my machine from me “Have you ever even tried an electronic machine? With a computer element? It really is superior.” I tell her as nicely as I have left in me that I am not interested in sewing with a computer and as far as I was concerned my machine was already electronic since I did indeed have to plug it in to the wall before I was able to turn it on.

There was an embroidery sample laying on one of the sewing tables that my son remarked was beautiful. I agreed with him and the woman who I cannot even describe as smiling anymore tells him “it was done on one of our computer assisted embroidery machines” like he gives a shit, he’s three! “I guess the fine art of hand embroidery is dead?” I say. “Why bother when my machine can do it so much faster with fewer mistakes? You should really think about looking into one.” she replies. Is this person just the thickest?!? “No thanks, I sew because I enjoy it, not because I have to.”

This, my friends, is exactly the problem. Why do something considered an art form, a craft, a talent, a stress reliever when you can just have some stupid machine do it for you. I am not talking about ironing here, it’s sewing! I do not run a sweat shop nor do I have to sew anything at all. I simply like to do it. For fun. Weird, huh?

The sad part? I will forever be looking at “handmade” items with skepticism. Was it really handmade or did someone just use their hands to plug in the coordinates to a machine and let it do all the work? It’s not like I am weaving the fabric and then stitching it together with my own hands. I am just the idiot running a very basic sewing machine, and loving every minute of it!