Wisdom in a cookie

We are Chinese buffet junkies. Embarrassing to admit. Just a little.

All American style Chinese cuisine, as you know, comes with a little yummy treat . In our little bite of cardboard like dessert comes a little scrap of paper. The fortune. Lately I have noticed they are a lot less of a fortune and just dribble. Maybe somethings don’t translate well. How is “you are charismatic and love broccoli” a fortune? Sounds pretty much like a statement not an insight into your destiny.

There are the few occasions that I really get a fortune. When these little bits of the universe land in my hands I almost always know it is special. I can read sixty two different fortunes, huff, throw them down with a couple bucks and walk out to enjoy my indigestion in the company of English speaking folks. When the real ones reach me I am impacted. I get goose bumps. It is more like a déjà vu feeling. Weird but not unwelcome. I am superstitious to a point and nostalgic so I keep the real ones in my wallet as a reminder.

Here, let me share a few:

• When life seemed really tough, with two small babies (one very sick the other still nursing), I was feeling sorry for myself. I was surrounded by people and so lonely. I was drowning in worry. I only functioned to keep things as normal as possible for the two dudes that my world revolves around. My fortune was
• I don’t know what prompted me to do it, right in the middle of all the chaos of life back then, but I decided to finish a degree. I had looked into the opportunities and knew I couldn’t attend traditional school with my responsibilities as they were and decided to look into online programs. My husband and I had a brief conversation about it over Chinese one night and I got simply
• Almost two years later with a tiny survivor heading off to Kindergarten and his little brother in a good routine. I was right on the verge of a diploma and my husband and I felt like we could breathe for the first time in a while. I received
• Then another whirlwind of life swept us up. The past couple years have been full of real high highs and low lows. We had just met with our leasing agent and were celebrating with Chinese buffet. I commented over dinner how I wished things could just level out and be quiet for a bit. Some normalcy would be really nice. I opened this

Holy crap! My camera skillz are off the hook! No judging. I think I may need to get my eyes checked too. Guess I’ll add Optometrist to the list. Sheesh.

 

Be it silly or not I think someone is trying to tell me something. Did you ever see that movie where the highway billboard talks to Steve Martin?! That’s me, only a much smaller scale and typical of a fat girl, my guidance comes in a cookie.

Summer…so far.

I have been in such a funk lately that I can not, under any circumstance, find anything to write about. This saddens me. I do, however, have a few gazillion (crappy) photos that will help remind me of all the really cool shit going on around here lately. This girl sure could use a reminder now and again just how good she’s got it.

Shall we take a photo tour?

Happiness is:

A parade with my four favorite tinys on the planet.

 

Did someone say double chocolate?! Themz ma skillz.

 

 

Eight billion bubbles.

 

A little crafty crap to keep me busy. (Preschool teacher gifts)

 

Old friends.

 

New ones.

 

Stingrays!!!

 

…and my beasts.

For the sake of privacy I excluded the seven dozen pictures of my parents, grandparents, and siblings. I love you all very much, too, but how long could you possibly stand this boring post?

Here’s hoping the rest of this summer is a good as the beginning.

Cool Beans

After what I would consider a pretty f*cking crappy day in the land of stay-at-home-mom, I sit here and think only a happy craft post will do.

It took me forever to jump into the land of Pintrest. I have like a dozen followers and can’t figure out why. I haven’t pinned anything! I happened upon this craftastic project through a friend. She had mentioned she wanted to try it. I thought “hell no” until I find myself with loads of craft energy and a tiny budget. Beans are cheap people! I decided to give it a whirl but mine turned out all brown and blue. Hers would have been way better in her butter yellow and sunny orange with a giant M and maybe a daisy or sunflower kind of way. But her birthday is coming up… shhh.

Here it is: the lima bean wreath. Quit. It ended up kinda cute.

I started with a foam wreath form. The one I bought was cheap and sorta square so I shaved off the sharp corners. There is no pic for this. Really, no one wants to see the Styrofoam snow mess that happened. Buy the rounded one. Trust me.

Then me and my trusty hot glue gun spent hours together.

Gluing the beans on…

(photo taken by five year old. pardon the blur)

This is no task for anyone with ADD or control issues.

Then I took that b*tch out to the garage and painted her blue.

A beautiful robin’s egg blue to which my ever supportive hubby said “really? really?!”.

I found this super simple letter at my local crap store and attacked it with some scrapbook paper and Modge Podge.

(the light in my dining room sucks!)

Now it is wearing chocolate brown with light blue squiggles. Ahhh, much better. Not perfect, but better.

A little brown and blue scrap ribbon I had left over from somethin’ else and it is hung.

I really needed a spring wreath. This will do.

Leap Day …

We get an extra day this year. Whoot.

Also known as St. Oswald’s Day, February 29th makes this year one with 366 days. Since it takes 365 days and 6 hours for the Earth to revolve the Sun we get an extra 24 hours of bliss once every four years or so. There is certainly a more scientific explanation to it than mine but I’m pooped.

I will be the first to complain that there are never enough hours in a day. So what did I do with the extra 24 handed to me? Nothing noteworthy, that’s for sure. I have been suffering a migraine off and on since about noon yesterday so the fact that I did anything at all is something to shout about. I drug my big butt to the gym, to the grocery store, to the other grocery store, and even picked up little man from preschool on time. Then I hit a brick wall. Nothing a pot of coffee can’t cure.

I should have been cleaning my horrid shower doors. Anyone who thinks it is a good idea to put clear glass in a shower door obviously never had to clean one. I am a nazi about the squeegee (or squeech, says the little guy), so much so that my husband is terribly annoyed by it. The next shower doors I buy are going to have squiggles. You know, the soap scum patterned ones.

Instead I deemed today a special little occasion and made Leap Day Lasagna! Yum!

Not baked yet…

It is no different than your everyday home made lasagna. The special part is I only make it about as often as we get an extra day in our calendar year. The kids will groan, the hubbs will inhale, and I will have way too many leftovers.  

I relaxed over a sink of dishes. Yup, you heard me. Wait, now that I hear me it sounds really weird. There is just some calming property to hand washing dishes (when you don’t have to all the time) that I enjoy. Don’t ask.

Now in addition to the shower doors and putting away about 8 loads of laundry, I have to contend with this:

And this will just have to take a number:

(supposed to be black, yikes!)

What did you do today? Any ladies propose to their dudes? Anybody have unusually good/bad luck?

I normally don’t get very many comments but I would love to hear how you spent our extra day this year…

This will make you fat.

It has been a very looong weekend. My little guy turned 5 on Saturday and I planned, executed, and survived one hell of a birthday fiasco. We had two grown up parties and one bounce-house kiddiepalooza in two days. Sheesh!

I made two of my favorite appetizer dishes this weekend and I am going to try my hand at a food post. If you know me then you know my camera skillz are almost as bad as my hair, don’t judge.

The reason I want to share these two recipes is because they are so dang easy it is a sin not to. That, and they are 100% of the time a crowd pleaser. I am not a food blogger, nor do I wish to be, so please try not cry when I leave out the handy printable recipe cards at the end of this post. Just take a few notes as you read and prepare to astound your hungry guests.

My ever supportive hubbs says that everyone in the entire world already knows these recipes. But the house is so quiet and my Bailey's and coffee says go for it anyway. Suck it.

Here we go…

SPIN-ART DIP

  This is the uncooked version. When it is baked it gets all golden brown around the edges and has a bubbly delish surface.

Since I am not a professional, I forgot this pic before we stuffed it into our faces like it was fat free. Deal.

 

First you need:

1 Box frozen chopped spinach

1 Can artichokes

3/4 cup mayonnaise (I use Duke’s it’s the best)

3/4 cup grated parmesan cheese

3/4 shredded Monterey Jack

Garlic powder

I used garlic salt here, it’s what I had.

Throw both cheeses and the mayo in a big ol’ bowl.

There are a few staples in my kitchen. The large glass mixing bowl from Pampered Chef is one of those things. I will mention a couple more that I can’t live without later on.

Next goes the garlic powder. About this much, but not much more. I don’t really measure this step ‘cuz I don’t really care.

Yes, my hands are clean… and red. Huh.

Drain and chop your artichokes all mean like.

You need to thaw out the spinach. Squeeze the water out. I always put it in the microwave and end up burning the crap out of my hands draining it.

 

Even though you bought chopped spinach you need to chop it up too. If you don’t it makes the dip all stringy instead of creamy.

 

Then you throw them into the bowl and stir it all up.

See that spoon-ula? Also Pampered Chef. We are in love. The brand doesn’t really matter, I lucked into this one and it is one fantastic tool that I use for everything.

Spread in a baking dish. Put in a 350 degree oven for about 25 minutes or until it gets all bubbly and the edges get crispy as I mentioned before. You can make this way in advance since it will just sit in the fridge, for days even, and patiently wait to be heated without breaking down. I love an obedient dip.

I serve mine with anything that will hold it. Favorites include: Wheat thins, corn chips, Triscuts, pita chips… whatever really. It is so yummy no one really cares about the vehicle of delivery. So freakin’ easy!

Next…

BLT DIP

 

Another must-use-every-time-I-cook item came from my in-laws. See it up there in the corner? They are the huge, super thin, dish towels from Target. Not cheese cloth but thin. They come in a pack for like $3 and are as big as bed sheets! My Father-in-Law gave me a set and I love them. I am not much for using paper towels (unless I am draining fried crap) so I always have a dish towel nearby. These rock! 

My husband was very sure in his “everybody has this recipe” comment about this one. I think that is probably true, but it doesn’t hurt to share. Why this is called BLT dip I will not figure out. There is no “L” in my version. There was a similar version to this that did have lettuce and my lovely boss used to painstakingly stuff cored out cherry tomatoes with it. I, however have an attention span that will not allow this kind of culinary magic. Besides, then people would just pop them in thier mouths without ever stopping to appreciate how dang long it took to make.

So we keep it simple:

One pound bacon (I use the real pig stuff, yum)

Two large tomatoes

Mayonnaise

I always cut my bacon in half. It makes it fit in the pan better so I can…. wait for it…

FRY THAT SH*T!

Go ahead. Have your coronary infarction and come back to me. I actually have a theory on bacon cooked other ways but that, my friend, is a whole ‘nuther post in its self.

Yum! Perfect.

Let it cool a sec and chop your tomatoes in the meantime. This is where I add other things to the simple but perfect dip recipe introduced to me by my hunny’s Aunt. I just can’t leave well enough alone.

This time I used green onion. Sometimes I use grated Asiago cheese. Sometimes it gets loads of black pepper. Once I used minced garlic, which I don’t suggest.

Now chop that bacon. Fine or coarse, doesn’t matter for either the bacon or the tomatoes, you choose.

Put it all in a mixing bowl with some mayo… then a little more…

until it looks like dip.

TA DA!

I like it on Melba toasts but you can literally use just about any bread/cracker/spoon. I had a little leftover once (very rare) and spread it between slices of toast for breakfast (oh, shut up). It refrigerates well and will definitely make you fat.

Neither of these recipes were really recipes since according to my baby daddy you all knew them already anyway. These are not culinary challenges. They are simply crowd pleasers that help me to build a bigger muffin.

Drop me a line and let me know what ya think.

Enjoy!

Bad Hair Day

Who am I kidding?! Anyone who knows me also knows I have notoriously bad hair. Then there are the rest of you who are now fully informed.

Every once in a while my tree-hugger ADD sets in and I come up with some random ridiculous solution to a minimally important problem. Wow, this is a lot like therapy. Some of these “solutions” really stick (joining a co-op and using reusable grocery bags) and some are just a fleeting moment of stoopid. This time I was dead set on giving up shampoo. Now, wait just a dang minute! Keep your snarky remarks on hold for a sec, I did not say I was not washing my hair.

I got the idea when I came across this lovely lady and her wonderful blog. I was actually looking for a recipe for making my own deodorant after reading yet another article about antiperspirant and it’s links to breast cancer. Then I started researching making my own essential oils, spring planting, alternative cleaning solutions, homemade bath products, and sheesh are ya still with me?! In a nutshell: homemade deodorant=no shampoo?

Anyhoo… The adorable and utterly convincing Kendra (same as above link) had me believing that her hair (BTW looks great poo-free) and mine are even remotely the same. Which they are not. I have very fine, very thin, frizzy hair. Sounds like a dream right?! In my quest for healthier living I had talked myself into trying this no-poo lifestyle, hoping for the best. Everything I have read on the idea says that over shampooing leads to damage because the hair follicle is not allowed to make the right amount of natural oils necessary to protect it. By giving up the chemical process of shampooing, therefore stripping the oils, your hair will adjust its oil production. So all you have to do is remove the dirt without stripping the oils. Sounds great. Lets go!

I was warned it does get bad before it gets better. Call this the adjustment period. I was warned that there would probably be a “ponytail/hat” transition time. How is that any different from my regular style? Ok. So I made a solution of baking soda and water and used it to cleanse the dirt from my locks. A couple washes in it was not going so bad. My adoring husband even made a comment about how my hair looked fuller and “kinda nice”. So I thought hey, it only gets better from here, right? Wrong. I am two weeks in and about twenty seconds away from dreadlocks! Grrr…

I quit. I am giving up as soon as I finish this post. I will be taking my horrible doo to the shower and applying liberal amounts of poo. I tried and it is obvious I do not have the type of hair that can save the planet. Without embarrassment anyway.

I am sure I will be off on another organic task in no time and am trying not to beat myself up about it too much. Notice there are no pictures to go with this post?! Why beat a dead horse?

Crappy Joe

I have just recently finished writing a wonderful post about wrapping up the holiday season and it included wonderful sentiments about a Happy New Year to all, and then my ADD kicked in and I got all sidetracked and aggravated. So instead of the original happy-happy post about lovely things… you get a rant. Surprised? Didn’t think so.

For the first time in like an eternity I had a couple hours to myself. I quit my big-girl-job because it made me feel like my world was falling in around me only in a really slow and painful way. I am taking this time to get my house into “home” status and continue to be a stay-at-home mommy for my baby since this fall he will be off to school. He has had whatever stomach bug that was going around and with the snow day and the holiday and a sick kiddo I have not quite gotten back in to the regular routine I have been longing for. Well, today he had preschool. Whoo Hoo!!! This equals two and a half hours that I can do whatever needs to be done with no one in my butt to slow me down. How did I use my time today? Selfishly. I went in search of a quiet place to get back into some writing. Some much needed “me” time.

I chose, for lack of decent choices around, a coffee house that I have been to before but don’t really care for. Again, it’s slim pickin’s in these parts. I used to be an avid coffee house frequenter. We used to have more than one to choose from. I have traveled around our fair city in search of the coolest place or the best barista and have been disappointed fewer times than I have eyeballs. Trust me, I have been around the coffee house scene. I enjoy visiting coffee shops in other cities, I like to catch some live acoustic music and a great latte, I like an early pick me up espresso or a late desert and decaf. I know what I like and like someplace cool with decent joe. Now, don’t get me wrong, the place I picked today looks cool. There is a little couch area near the fireplace, plenty of tables, nice impressive counter with all the appropriate goodies but I should have known walking in that I would have been better off taking my chances with the yuppies at Starbucks.

First off, upon walking in, it smelled like kitchen grease. Not coffee. Hmmm… it was 9:15 so maybe they do a big early breakfast. Proceed to counter. Greeted with frown. Huh? The elderly woman behind the counter did not offer even a “hello” she just stared. I said good morning and smiled and ordered (politely) a bagel with cream cheese. She responded with “plain, wheat, or everything?”. I asked for a plain, still using my manners and a cup of coffee, please. $4. Ok. I noticed the tip jar on the counter and put the $1 change from my five in it.

Maybe I’m jaded having been in the restaurant business for like an entire eon, but I still work very hard for my tips. Today I learned that I also work very hard for someone else’s tips. A certain someone who can not even afford a smile for her customer. She handed me an empty mug “coffee’s over there” point, and a cold bagel “toaster’s over there, too” and then she turned away. Eh?! As I am pouring my own coffee I notice the handwritten sign that said “REFILLS $.80 SEE COUNTER”. Um… riiight. I have seen the "one refill please sign”, I have played the token for a refill game, I have been swapped for paper cups the second go around, but this?! Sheesh. My dollar ninety five cup o’ sludge didn’t come with so much as a top off. If the coffee is good I’ll drink it with nothing but a half packet of sugar. I like coffee. Today’s diesel required three(!) all which was figured out while my bagel was toasted by me. I sat on one of the little couches and had breakfast. I noticed that Suzy Sunshine never left her station of frown behind the register. When it was time for me to leave I grabbed plate and cup and since I had not seen any evidence of service, strolled to the counter. She points “there are tubs over there for that” and sure enough there were bus tubs at the end of the make your own breakfast bar.

So could I have taken my tip back? I earned it. Did I not make my own breakfast and clean up after myself?! I have never seen such a rude display. This utter lack of personality or totally pretentious coffee snob will not be seeing me again. I have no idea how this joint makes the rent. I would assume by the decor that this place would be jammed full if it had decent people working there, oh and good coffee. The only thing my cup had going for it was that it was too hot to drink.

SO there. I wrote something. Grrr….