What’s in a name?

Mommybreath.

I have been asked. Can’t think of a better place to answer.

What is Mommybreath? Where did you come up with that name?

Well… It was originally said by one of my boys like this: “Ew. You have Mommybreath”. I assume that is a lot like dragon breath or coffee breath. Ick. I will admit, it was probably stinky morning breath. Nothing cute like puppy breath or baby’s breath. I come from a long line of mommies who’s breath smells like tea. Iced. Real sugar.

To me a mommybreath is the long inhale and long controlled exhale I practice in traffic when the two maniac beasts in the back seat are having a slap fight. It is the slow rhythmic monotony that occurs right before a sleep that isn’t allowed yet, sitting up nursing, holding a sleeping boy, or fulfilling my mundane duties as a mom like filling out birthday party invitations or sewing Halloween costumes. It is the many sighs I exude throughout the day either in frustration or sheer exhaustion. It is a huff of disagreement when an argument really isn’t necessary. It is the only sound for the full hour I am alone to do yoga and in that hour sometimes this mommybreath sometimes sounds like “ohm”. It is the panting in short bursts when the pain is about to win and the heavy exhale followed by heaves of joy when the pain is gone for good and he is finally in your arms. It sometimes sounds like air escaping from a tire. Sometimes it is startled and sucks in sharp.

My mommybreath comes with asthma, frequently gives a sarcastic “huh”, and up until a few months ago smelled like cigarettes. Mine changes. Frequently. It has been stopped by the horror of bad news, held for the arrival of any news, and exploded out in sobs of happiness when the good news arrives. My mommybreath is a long slow inhale with my nose burried in one of my little guys’ hair…

What is your mommybreath?

This Monday is Hoppin’!

I had so much fun last week that I am going to do another blog hop this Monday.

Here is where I went:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Monday everyone!

Is it just me or…

Is it just me or…

• is the Smart car the dumbest thing ever?! Totally dangerous. Only morons buy these.
• doesn’t a beer sound really good right now?
• when I say I don’t want to talk about it, I mean I really don’t want to talk about it.
• is Chinese food a total waste of money? I hate you for being yummy.
• is Tony Danza teaching high school?! On tv?!
• do you think of the Phoebe version of “Tiny Dancer” every time you hear that guy’s name?
• does the same guy that drives the Smart car also ride his Segway around the neighborhood? Douche!
• do all the really great writing topics hit while in no position to write them down?
• do you want to throw a party because Twizzlers are a fat free food?
• are you bored of this?

 

We had Chinese buffet for dinner, after we vowed to eat at home every night, and also after I had already made an entire brisket dinner. Why? Who the hell really knows. Hubby had a crap day and wanted crab legs. Now I don’t have to cook all weekend. Win/win if you’re asking. We were accompanied by my sister and her crew: son and boyfriend (aren’t we too old to say “boyfriend”?). My nephew is the most kick ass little dude and sissy’s chunk-o-happiness (maybe I should say slice, he is so not a chunk!) has been a very good friend of ours for many years. All in all good company. He really won my heart with some cheesy one-liners at fortune time. Hey, I am easy to please.

Let’s do some Confucius say:

Man who stands on toilet gets high on pot.

Man who go to sleep with itchy butt wake up with stinky finger.

(my fave) Man who lay woman on ground gets piece on Earth.

Last but not least (my addition) Wise man say: never cook bacon naked.

 

So… lets get out there, do our best, and have some fun this weekend!

Geeks Be Damned!!!

I unfortunately was unable to wreak havoc on the land that is Best Buy. My Grandparents, convinced they are happy with their purchases, have told me they would do not feel any need to seek answers about their charges. (Pride? I get that.)

Fine.

I am utterly displeased about a f-ing punk ass salesman taking advantage of an elderly couple in need of a little convenience. I mean, it would be like me going to buy a compact car and walking off the lot with a freakin' jet plane!!!

But... since I love them, they are the best after all, I will cease and desist. I will, however, NOT be buying anything from Best Buy or Geek Squad for all of eternity.

Go ahead, piss me off, I can hold a grudge 'till you die of natural causes!

Oh, and don't think for a second I won't tell every one I ever meet!!!

I am kicking a Geek’s ass!!!

Tonight I went to visit two of my favoritest people- my Grandparents. Grandpa wanted to show off his new computer and he had a few questions. After spending two hours trying to acclimate him to his new machine, with no success, I asked my Grandma what this beast cost. I looked at the receipt and was appalled!!!

My Grandparents just paid well over $1400 for a $600 Dell. WHAT THE F*#K?!?!?!

Let me tell you how.

1. My grandparents paid the Geek squad to come out and set up their new mess $149.99.

2. They were then charged for an external hard drive to “back up” the old computer. $80 and $69.99 to install. Now let me stress this is completely unnecessary. The internal hard drive has 620 GB, the external another 245 GB. Only like 148 GB is being used. Could this not have been done by disk?!?!?

3. As I was looking at the receipt there was a miscellaneous charge for $2.99 that carried a 2 year warranty for $47!!! Can someone please explain this????

4. Then the monitor was an extra $180 (Mine came with one! A huge one!) and the new HP print/scan/copy/lawn mower/security system/ fax cost another $210 (Mine came with one!!!). 

5. My lovely Grandma couldn’t figure out why the old computer had a word processer on it and this fancy new one didn’t. The Microsoft disk was sitting only four inches to the left, but instead this Geek charged them $149.99 for the complete Microsoft office suite!!! You can buy just Word for like $38!!!

So lets break this down:

Some asshole working a commission job saw the pay dirt when my 80 year old Grandparents walked into Best Buy. He charged them for things they obviously did not need, and will never use to boost his sales. On top of all this I spent quite a bit of time trying to explain to my Grandpa how this new system works. The kicker? There is only one email my dear sweet Gramps likes to use. It is win mail. The Geek who set up the computer said he didn’t like the win mail and deleted it. Who gives a shit what you prefer you rapist. This was the only mail my Grandpa wanted and you threw it out. Who’s computer is this anyway you ass?!?!? 

So…

Watch out Geek Squad! Hell, watch out Best Buy! I will be there first thing in the morning, receipt in hand for an explanation.

Tuesday Hop

This was fun!

Look at a couple of the places I went today!!!

 

 

 

 

I joined a blog hop?

I usually never do these but I really thought this one sounded like fun. Besides, who can say no to a little more exposure!

Come hop along with me here.
Check out the link list here: http://www.linkytools.com/basic_linky_include.aspx?id=49715%22


Happy Tuesday everyone!!!

Rant<Fun

This weekend my dear husband and I were able to get out of town for some much needed irresponsible behavior. Before any of the fun can happen I will have 714 minor breakdowns, one gigantic argument with my soon to be traveling companion, at least 5 minutes of severe depression, one lesson in housework for said companion, and two tiny disasters. 

Six days ago it occurred to me that I had in fact bought concert tickets, booked a hotel room, arranged for my children to be cared for, and have arranged for my hubby’s cousin to stay with our dog for no obvious reason other than I need a break. Crap! I totally forgot I needed a break. I have been too busy to remember I actually planned to take a break, and because I forgot I now am double busy!!!

It is the start of the week… I still have six days…

Monday: Did some groceries, narrowly avoid boredom, nature walk and feed ducks at park.

Tuesday: Remember that I am dropping the ball on including, in the last week before school starts, anything that was fun. So I load the car up with fun shit and head off to our local recreation facility. That sounded too official. The city owned version of the Y. Which works out great because our Y really, really sucks. It is aptly named the Rec Plex. Fun, huh? We went swimming when it was only 68 degrees outside. We watched both the swim team and the dive team do some really cool stuff. We had fun, just my boys and me, before cycle break was over.

Wednesday: Crap! It’s Wednesday already?!?  I was a recluse today. We stayed home. We cooked, cleaned, and some of us (not me) handed out lectures on how staying home was the most boringest thing we could do with the last week of our cycle break. Does it really have to be a circus everyday? Then The hubbs’ cousin came by for the house key and stayed to enjoy my Mom’s delish spaghetti recipe. That was nice, I was feeling really lonely and closed in.

Thursday: Cleaned like a mad woman. Then packed a pic-nic lunch and headed out to run a couple errands and run off some pent up energy. Not me, the boys, I already cleaned remember? We finally get to sit down to a late lunch. It is the same park w/ the duck pond except this time I am prepared. I am so prepared that I have even packed lunch for the ducks! I lay out the wonderful spread that is our meal and took survey. The boys had everything they needed so I got out my salad, dressing, crackers, apple… SERIOUSLY?! I forgot a fork. Deep breath. Ok, another deep breath. My boys sense my frustration and chime in “What are you going to do Mom?” and “Great, looks like this pic-nic is cancelled”. It took one more breath before I began eating my salad with my fingers. My shocked two little boys thought this was hilarious. Aaahhh… the moments we will remember…  The rest of the night consisted of finishing up the laundry and making the house look presentable enough for our guest. I made my adorable life partner (I am still mad at him) clean the pissed up hall bathroom. He stalled, he whined, he finally got in there and from the looks did a nice job. I knew he could. But the smell! Holy moley! It smells like an ass full of feet that has been peed on and deep fried in BO! Man, what did you do?!? It is still a mystery. I re-cleaned the whole thing before bed so we are good. 

Friday: Whoo Hoo!!! T-4 hours until I am out of town bound! My honey worked a half day so it was up to me to pack and deliver the children. Which all happened before 11:30am. Then I went home and packed us grown ups. After a quick shower for my hard workin’ man we are off.

We had a great trip. We went to Kansas City to see Widespread Panic at the Midland. Everything was perfect. The hotel was in walking distance of everything, the show was killer, we even had the best late night breakfast at a place called Fran’s. Life is good.

Well, except for my clumsiness. I think I really messed up my foot slipping off a carpeted step at the show. No surprise. The hotel’s extra special amenities make up for all that though. They boast a luxurious shower with two shower heads:

Still makes me chuckle. Not exactly what I pictured. 

Have a great week everyone!!!    

I forgot…

With Pandora set to estrogen with a side of Van, I am fully immersed in sew mode. I totally forgot to mention that I started my very own Etsy store! Ta Da!

My dear sweet husband is always telling me with whatever it is that I am crafting at the time that I should sell them, whatever “they” happen to be in that moment of my project ADD. It, to me, is the best compliment a man who is not at all interested in decorating, gifting, design, or wear-ables could offer. Or maybe he is just trying to recoup some of the cost all my “supplies” have incurred. Oops.

So… there is really not much on the site right now because I have a lot more pictures to take. Bear with me. In the meantime check it out: www.mommybreath.etsy.com

Now go have an awesome weekend, will ya?!

Busy today

I have started another couple purses with a couple fabrics I just LOVE! I skipped going to the gym today to get these done… I know, probably not the wisest choice.

 

Now to figure out the handles and or clasps…

Ahhh… Friday.